The wolf of wallsheep…….
3 months in (12 weeks) and we have surpassed or met certain expectations on our longevity in Clowne………Yay!! Lets throw a party!!
Saturday 8th July we will be open for the full duration of our license opening until Midnight and serving until 11.30pm for all our loyal customers (You will need to be in before 10pm though), so we are basically offering you a lock in to help us celebrate the massacre of negativity.
The good news is we’re still going strong and are only getting stronger each and every week, no matter how much negativity we are facing from people who haven’t even stepped foot in Heist, and it is great to hear what people are saying about us to friends and family that are also visiting as a result. We have seen an increase in new customers for the third month running and now have consistent regulars that have sold their homes and moved in to Heist (The offer’s there guys)
What isn’t helping is people passing comment without actually coming to see what we’re like, or to taste the ‘weird’, ‘shit’ or ‘not carling’ products that we have on offer which are just some of the smaller comments passed.
Here are some of the things we have heard over the past month:
“The owners are wankers” – We are wankers but this is opinion not fact, there are plenty of ‘wankers’ in our opinion in other shops and businesses, especially in customer service roles in Meadowhall stores but you all still shop there because they’re selling the brands you like and know. But what makes a wanker? Someone please tell us as our customers seem happy with our wankerish attitudes, whatever that may be? (Confused emoji face) The problem is we don’t and won’t have any of the brands you know, our customers like the idea of experimenting with the 100’s of different products we have on offer as to put it frankly they’re bored shitless of drinking the same product day in day out, come on people live a little, who knows, next year you may venture to Magaluf instead of Benidorm……exciting times!!
“They’re ripping people off” – Bored of justifying our prices, but here we go again…….Some Maths:
£6 for a pint of 8.6% Double IPA which is £192 for a 30L Keg, averaging £3.80 to buy in per pint leaving us with around a 40% mark up, if that!
Carling 4% Lager which is £173 for a 100L Keg (Already less to buy for more than 3x the beer), averaging 93p to buy in per pint which is being sold on average for £3.30 a pint meaning a 300% mark up. So if other places worked on our 40% mark up, a pint of carling should be £1.36
Now look at the percentage of the beer. How many pints of Carling would it take to get as pissed as what 2 pints of 8.6% would get you? A saving of £1.20, so we’re actually saving people money……….That’s some MoneySavingExpert shit right there…..
Not expensive just a far more superior product that’s brewed using an art form and quality produce and not a machine capable of brewing hundreds of thousands of litres at a time with no thought process. Also the price difference to make should highlight the quality of
the products used to make.
Anyway I’ve bored myself with that so moving on…….
“They only sell crap beer” – Pffft!! We refer to the previous 2 points. If we only sold crap beer no doubt you’d be in here drinking it. We just don’t have what has been brainwashed in to people for many decades into being the brands that you should be drinking. We’re like Aldi, offering you something that you’ve never seen on a supermarket shelf before but you can guarantee once you’ve tried it, it’s better than what you’ve had before.
“They think they’re in a city centre” – We’re wankers remember not idiots, we know exactly where we are. Where does everyone like to go for a celebration or decent night out? a city centre! Why? Because it has decent bars! And what do you pay for a decent drink in a city centre? More than what you would pay at Heist, £2 more to be exact (£5.50 for a bottle of beer the same as our £3.50 bottle, and £9.50 for a large glass of wine) and how do you get to and from a city centre? £50 for a taxi there and back (If you can get one) and yet we put the city centre on your door step, again saving you money and you moan……Jesus, anyone would think you like to moan about anything?
“Do you know that bar Heist in Clowne, they’re saving us money, how dare they”
We have tried to bring a city centre atmosphere to a rural area that would otherwise have to travel to enjoy the kind of atmosphere we are offering
We rely a lot on word of mouth, and if people are happy to listen to others rather than come in and try it for themselves then more fool you, we’ll carry on growing and the world will keep on turning without your invalid opinions but don't live a sheltered boring life, get out, experiment, do something different!
However if you’d like to lead your own life rather than listen to other people who haven’t visited then come on down and make up your own mind. Be a wolf not a sheep!
Saturday 8th July (This Saturday) Heist Lock in. Be there!