Heist Craft

Heist Craft

How to piss us off in 3 easy steps

The BarPosted by Adam Sun, August 19, 2018 17:29:40

How long has it been? A Loooooooong time, but that should tell you a number of things

1 We’ve been mega busy with the bar, brewing and different projects

2 We haven’t had time to fart never mind write a blog

3 We’ve been globe trotting and not had time

So, in short, we’ve been busy!!

Between the daily running of the bar, trying to secure our premises, the build and completion of the brewery, brewing in the UK and abroad and trying to finalise other projects it has been a whirlwind 8 months of 2018 so far, with no signs of it slowing down just yet. Not bad for a business that was given 3 months. (Smug face again, sorry but we can't help it)

Anyway without being arrogant about it (Shout out to the guy that labelled the 2 most laid back guys arrogant, its not arrogance its called being proud), we’ve been doing everything within our power to complete all the above ASAP, but we have had hiccup after hiccup delaying these proceeding as quick as we’d hoped (As all you crowdfunders will be thinking, ‘when the fudge is this brewery going to be completed?’) And the answer is very soon and you’ll receive your invite to the grand opening via email so make sure we have an up to date one for you.

However, if you want us to be ‘arrogant’ towards you here’s what you have to do to piss us off:

· Why not turn up with your very own alcohol and just buy cokes and tonics all night pretending that no one will notice because ‘they never do’. In fact, every venue does notice an increase in soft drink and tonic sales, its whether or not they’re happy for people to be in their venue sitting on their seats, using their electric, water heating etc while the profit from their tonics barely covers the several hours you’re sat in here. This isn’t guess work by the way here’s some of the things people find it acceptable to bring in, Small bottle of what can only be described as street tramp vodka (You know the kind you’d see someone carrying his bedding down the street swigging at a hip flask style bottle), Bottle of rosé in womens toilets, bottle of Jagermeister (So 2009), flight bottles of Hendricks, bottle of water hidden behind sanitary bin that smelt of Jack Daniels (Classy by the way, I mean the Whiskey in water bottle , not me smelling what was in it, although it’s not one of my finest moments either), cans of Koppaberg and Stella found in womens and mens toilets. Now I wouldn’t mind if any of this shit was better than what we sell but some people just don’t have taste.

While I’m on the subject, who the fuck takes drinks to the toilets with them? I get that people don’t want them spiked etc but we’re not a nightclub from circa 2005, and to finish a drink in the toilet!! What’s that about? Is this finished before or after a No1 or No2? I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is I’m not one for finishing off my drink with the sweet sweet aroma of urine going up my nose.

· If you like our drinks but think the glasses come as part of the package then why not Steal our glasses. Well you’ve paid a lot for that premium beer/gin so you may as well take the container it comes in!! This is sarcasm by the way……. For every glass stolen this can slowly run an independent business into the ground. We don’t get lorry loads of Carling and Coors glasses for everyone to take home, or another favourite of ours, is to walk to another pub with the drink you’ve just bought. If you buy a drink here, drink it here. For the other pubs in Clowne we have several hundred Carling, coors and fosters glasses ready for you to pick up when you want them. Clowne isn’t a constant festival where you can walk around the village streets drinking and the glasses get returned to the appropriate venue at the end of the night We pay over £600 for 300 glasses with our ‘own’ brand on them. That’s a lot of money to lose when someone decides they haven’t got a Heist glass in their collection yet. We have had customers take glasses at the end of the night and bring these back the next day, and don’t batter an eye lid because that’s the right thing to do.

· Bring your own snacks and sit in here eating them. I wonder how many times you’ve been invited to Sunday dinner at the in-laws and taken your own Yorkshires because the ones your mother in law makes aren’t very nice. If you did I’m sure they’d be offended, which is also how we feel when this happens to us. We always purchase our products on taste first and won’t just buy any shit. We buy products that we think people will appreciate as you can’t find them everywhere else in Clowne. It has been mentioned that another place in the village sells what we do for 50p less than we do. We’re a business with profit margins that we need to succeed as a business/building and to cover our costs, so 5p profit per bag and £1.20 profit on a box of 24, what will this actually cover in terms of bills. We’ve found more than this down the back of the sofas in the bar.

If you want to see us sell something behind the bar give us direct feedback and we’ll see what we can do and if this fits in with our business model. We have obtained numerous recommendations (Yorkshire crisps for one) and now stock loads of different Gins, Ciders, beers because of your recommendations.

With this being said there is a small exception and that’s children. We appreciate that Children aren’t always the easiest to cater for and parents don’t always want their children having fizzy/caffeinated drinks and being a bar, we don’t cater for children so if you want to bring a fruit shoot or bag of pom bears for the little ones that’s fine. However if you haven’t grown out of your own child like phase and still use words like ‘yuck’ and ‘urgh’ when flavours of crisps you haven’t heard of before are read out to you, then you don’t have the right to pop to Mccolls (and pay way above the original cost price by the way if you think £1 is expensive) and buy yourselves an industrial size bag of Monster Munch or Space Invaders and eat them in barbarian fashion leaving remnants all over for us to clean up.

We appreciate every single person that walks through our doors, as does any business but If anything in our bar seems too expensive or you feel you have the right to take other things with you because of the amount you have paid then this probably isn’t the place for you and you’re better off drinking elsewhere.

This blog was just an excuse for a vent but as we have your attention we may aswell tell you about some positive things that have happened over the last few months.

We went to Budapest and made some beer – Blood Orange Double IPA brewed with Balkezes which will be back over here within 2 weeks. It was just voted summer beer of the year in Hungary by a beer blogger and we can’t wait for you to try it.

We went to America and made some beer called ‘Clowne’ brewed with a US brewery called Ass Clown which was due to be shipped back also, but due to Donald Trump being a top class Ass Clown himself duty and taxes have rocketed meaning the original cost has nearly doubled which has become unaffordable for us to get in. The good news is there is a beer in the US named after a small little village in Derbyshire and the beer itself is going down strong. Matt from Ass Clown will also be coming over from the US to brew with us in Clowne later on this year which we are mega excited about.

We have brewed 2 beers in the UK which are now available

- Insane Clowne Posse – Another beer with the name of Clowne on it. Rye IPA brewed in collaboration with Black Iris

- Bangers and Clash of the Tight ‘uns – A charity beer brewed with Lost Industry, Sentinel, Brew Foundation and Sheffield Brewery. This Session NEIPA is currently in keg and cask around the UK and will be back in cans very shortly to purchase and distribute around the UK.

Our next event is Sunday 26th August Bank holiday. Ridgeside Brewery will be attending with 5 awesome beers, along with Blazing Saddles BBQ and live music all day……..As always it will be a cracking day and look forward to having you along, as long as you’re not drinking your own alcohol, eating your own snacks or taking our glasses home with you.

We will be off on our charity beer rally in September where you will be introduced to a new face behind the bar who will be serving in our absence, all will be revealed shortly. You will be able to follow our trip on BBC Radio Sheffield as well as us updating our social media sites every day so you can join us on an epic trip across europe.

We also have the launch of the brewery and holiday flat in October, TBA, however crowdfunders rest assured you will be the first to see the finished products with a personal invite to the opening before the rest of our customers get the chance to see what we have done.

Hope to see you all next Sunday…….

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Merry Christmas ya filthy Animals!!

The BarPosted by Adam Wed, December 20, 2017 17:02:20

Dear Santa, yeah, we’ve been naughty this year, and its been worth it you fat judgmental B*stard.

Thought that would get your attention, and speaking of which it was brought to our attention that we haven’t written a blog in a while. Apart from the fact we have probably exhausted our moaning about our prices, opening hours, the products we serve, Tesco, takeaways and the council (All of which are still gripes), we have been incredibly f**king busy. On this note I think our Christmas market was a MASSIVE success, don't you? With nearly 2000 people through the door which is insane, I think only Tesco and Aldi get these numbers through the door and they’re worldwide names, we’re just little old Heist (Smug face). We’re here (just the 2 of us) if anyone needs our help next year reaching these numbers, no names or authorities mentioned.

Contrary to popular belief, we don’t just drink beer all day, and unbelievably we have only been open 8 ½ months, in which time most businesses are contemplating which direction to take, whether they plough on at a risk, or contemplation of closure, which you may have seen from other businesses in the last 8 ½ months. We however are more than comfortable, probably because of the hard work we put in to the business, now this is not us justifying to our customers what we do but more making everyone aware how much we do do, to ensure we are a successful business and brand going forward. Anyone can open a business but very few people have the balls or other lady parts to see it through even through the rough, as its easier to pack it all in and/or bury their heads in the sand. We however hold our heads high at what we have achieved in the time we have had.

Beginning in April it was always our dream to start a business that would grow and grow and we’ve made a bloody good start. We have met our own objectives for this year which were to brew with key leaders in the craft market, build a strong local customer base, produce our own first brew, open a brewery, and the biggest one of all, to not have to pay for our own Christmas party (You can see where our priorities lie) and these have all come to fruition this year.

The good news is there is more to come next year, with even more objectives that will be achieved by the end of 2018, all of which are under wraps, although if you keep your eyes peeled there is a massive green clue on the front of our premises which forms part of 1 of many new plans and ventures. What we can tell you is we will continue to bring some big names to Clowne, and we will be taking the village of Clowne along with the Heist Brand overseas several times throughout the year.

We can’t take all the credit though, this is not all purely down to our own motivation, passion, drive, enthusiasm, ambition and aspiration. No! No!……it’s also down to our customers, all you ex Carling drinkers we have managed to convert to proper beer. All of our customers who have shown interest in us and our business and all those who have supported us both mentally and physically. Parents, family, friends, customers and crowdfunders have all played their part in our success so a massive thank you goes out to each and every one of you at this time of year, and if we weren’t so tight you would all be getting a small token of our appreciation in the form of a drink, but instead you will have to accept this blog. We said we were comfortable, not made of money. Maybe next year…………! Key word there being ‘maybe’.

Oh, I forgot to mention a special someone in particular, a massive thank you goes out to the guy that shit all over the toilet seat in the mens, you are a gem my friend. This is not an invite for a trend to start as we won’t be as thankful going forward……We just wish we knew where you lived so that we could repay the favour. In the meantime you keep going fella…..

These are the kind of perks of the job that we have really enjoyed this year, and whoever says, ‘it’s what comes with the job!’ no its not, it’s what comes with the customers whom without any business would fail, it doesn’t mean you allow them to vacate themselves wherever they please for the price of a pint. It cost us £20 in bleach…….However this being said we couldn’t be any more thankful for the other 99.9% that can handle their alcohol, and their own bowels.

We would like to wish all of our customers a very Merry Christmas and hope that everyone has a very prosperous, happy and successful New Year. 2018 is THE year!!

And in the words of Tiny Tim ‘God Bless us, everyone!’ (Including toilet guy)

Love Heist

Our opening hours for Christmas are:

23rd – 12 – 10pm

24th – 12 – 9pm

25th – Closed

26th – 12 – 6pm

27th – 2 – 8pm

28th – 2 – 8pm

29th – 2 – 8pm

30th – Closed

31st – Invite Only

1st Jan – Closed

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The BarPosted by Adam Mon, October 02, 2017 12:15:48

According to a number of unreliable sources we are closing down. We can confirm this is absolute nonsicle bullshart!

We have now been asked, and told, on several occasions that we are closing down. Apparently when you hire a skip and are seen moving items from your premises in preparation for a brewery......this means you're preparing to close down.

I refer you to a previous blog 'oooooooh, I heard it through the Grapevine!'

How do some people get on in life, jumping from rumour to rumour without knowing if the information they are passing on is correct or not, thus not realising that this sort of uneducated guessing can impact a business.


Here are some rumours to keep the uneducated guessers busy for a few months until the brewery is complete:

Apparently, the local vets have successfully bred a poodle and a shitzu, they are calling it a Shitpoodle

Apparently the memorial is being knocked down to make way for a giant ferris wheel called the Clowne eye.

Apparently the rail tracks are being relaid as part of the 6423 mile track (Accurate mileage, check google) that will carry North Korean missiles to America undetected.

Apparently the natural spring that runs underneath clowne has tested positive for a chemical that turns people invisible and people have been using this power to steal free bus rides.

Just for legal reference, we don't believe any of the above to be true, nor do we refer to any businesses in particular.

In the interest of applied marketing, we are using this opportunity to begin our closing down sale which will run for the next 35 years, no prices reduced but all stock must go.


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The BarPosted by Adam Wed, September 20, 2017 13:37:29

When we set out on our mission 5 months ago to set up our own business and bring craft beer to the people of Clowne, we also laid out our own mission statement for the bar, and that was to make Clowne great again. 5 months in and we can't say whether we are or not and i'm sure that opinion is different in some peoples eyes, but we're having a good bloody go at doing the right thing but the village with increasing positive feedback, excluding that of Price mark and queuing (We'll come back to this later)

2 major events of the year passed and we have brought people in their hundreds from:
Barrow Hill
plus other different areas of Chesterfield and Sheffield.

This is what we actually know of, so please if you call in and you're reading this and we haven't mentioned your area, feel free to let us know. Its good to know, and also helps with the bank manager when explaining our customer reach when proposing new ventures smiley (Oh yeah we've found out how to use actual emoji's this time but almost certain the metaphorical ones are better, i.e rolled fist and a water splash emoji)

Local customers inform us that this many people in Clowne was an issue many years ago and people from surrounding areas only came to Clowne for a fight, or at lest thats how the night ended up, well we can now confirm the people from the aforementioned areas are coming back to Clowne, but this time to have a good time and many of our customers have made good friends with people they had never even met before. Long gone are the neanderthal times, people are actually enjoying themselves without the need to punch someone in the face because they looked at them funny or bumped into them at the bar. This shit happens, and trust me there was plenty of bumping going off this weekend in an overcrowded Heist but the usual response is 'sorry' and get on with your evening and thats what people did, and what a mighty fine evening it was. We have had nothing but positive feedback regarding the evening and what we laid on. The band was amazing, the steins went down well, too well with some people who couldn't find their way out of the building at the end of the night, and the sausage went down a treat. (insert own innuendo here) The only negative came in the form of a queue that took 30 minutes to get to the front of, and there were a number of things that impacted this:

2 pint Steins take a lifetime to pour - Obviously not hosting an event with steins before this is something we couldn't predict.

Our till decided it was on go slow - Transactions via cash and card were slowed all night, we even rebooted but this didn't help.

People not knowing what they want when they got to the front of the queue - Now as much as we would like to take full responsibility for this, when you've been in a queue for 30 mins and still don't know what you want when you get to the front, what the fudge have you been thinking about in the queue?? Thats like queuing for a ride at Alton Towers and then deciding when you get to the front that you're not sure whether or not you should go on the ride and holding everyone up behind you.

Anyway we're bitching, the fact of the evening is yes we only have 2 members of staff that serve, however more staff, which a lot of people were quite forthcoming in mentioning, would not help the situation as all of the above would still bottle neck as they did with 2 staff, so more staff could have even made this worse. More staff is definitely an option for the future months, but we have only been open 5 months, this is not a long time at all, and we are still growing in terms of custom so no doubt Heist will get even busier but until we can forecast and predict customer volumes this will remain the same as we are trying to run a viable business, not just a pub/bar. We are currently self funding the install of a brewery so our outgoings need to remain minimal for now, and once this is up and running in November then yes we will need more staff but until then please bare with us. Because, lets face it, where else does what we're doing?

With this being said we do have a new member of Staff who is being trained in everything bar work.......Please Welcome Olivia Jade Haslam......Embarrassing picture to follow. Olivia has been with us for nearly a month now but we needed to make sure she could put up with me and Dan before confirming her as a permanent fixture, but she's here to stay. Starting with the smaller tasks of glass collecting, cleaning and stocking up she will move on to other tasks soon enough, including serving, we just need to make sure she knows the products as well as us 2, otherwise we are offering nothing better than any other pub around here.

As well as this we are implementing a number of adjustments that will help reduce the queue and the speed of service until then so we are still thinking about you and taking notice, we're not just stood there laughing about the fact you've been stood in a queue for 30 mins, however with that being said many people did comment that the queue was worth the wait with the quality of the drink so thats a bonus, it could have been worse, there could have been Carling or Fosters waiting for you at the end of that queue!

Finally, we had a few comments about the time we stopped serving, 11pm, after saying it was a lock in! it was a lock in as we still remained open until 12 but we have to look at it from a business point of view depending on how the night is going. We decided to stop serving at 11pm for the health of our customers and the benefit of our neighbours. Here's an equation to show you how this is determined:

Volume of customer = Alcohol & food consumption
Duration of alcohol consumption

We were collecting in a lot of full pints and Steins and half drank drinks which suggests that people have had enough, only confirmed by the video evidence received the following day of how some people went home, and it wasn't pretty. Contrary to popular belief we're not just out to get your money and if stock is being wasted, rather than serve more that could be wasted we decided to stop serving, and if anything saved you some money! Also as much as you think you're sober, you can't hide a slur.......you're mind tells you you're speaking normally but your body won't let you, its fact!! So when you come in saying you weren't drunk and felt fine, your gurning told a different story, and when you think you're leaving the premises quietly, you're not!

Hopefully a 30 minute queue hasn't put you off returning as this will not be the case at every event, it just couldn't be helped on this occasion but we thank you for baring with us on the evening and we can't wait to have you again, so to speak!

The next event is in October and will run Friday 27th, Saturday 28th and Sunday 29th October which is a Tap takeover, meet the brewer with Beer Ink from Huddersfield. These are the guys that brought you Starbeer, the imperial peanut butter, chocolate and caramel stout, and we are pleased to announce we will be brewing a collaboration beer with them which will be a halloween themed stout. As well as this there will a quirky edition to the weekends activity that I can't say has ever happened around here before, but we'll see how it goes down, all we will say at this point is that 'you may feel a little prick!'

Love you and leave you, peace out!!!


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When the crowd say 'fund', Erect one!!

The BarPosted by Adam Wed, August 09, 2017 12:58:48

When the Crowd say ‘fund’, erect one!!

So, a massive thank you to all our friends, new friends, family, customers and private investors who have helped us raise a massive amount that means work can now start on the brewery that will be on site at Heist. A massive thank you also goes out to the facebook and twitter haters that inadvertently raised our profile with their bitching and moaning nearing the end of our campaign which boosted it by another £4,000……..so yeah, thanks!! (Middle finger emoji) This revolved around the crowdfunding pledge names which were ‘apparently’ phallic in nature (We hadn’t noticed) which some didn’t find appropriate nor funny, and labelled them crass and crude, as well as labelling our investors moronic, all I can say is it’s a good job you’ve got to know us and you have a sense of humour.

It was a slow start with the crowdfunding and we could feel the hesitancy from some of our customers, when the crowdfunding site was slowly climbing and remained on £3,500 for quite a long time, as to whether or not the brewery would actually go ahead. This was however all part of the plan, as, as much as we knew our customers would support us through this we were under no illusion that we would raise £30,000 purely from our customers, as that is a lot of money to expect people who have known us less than 3 months to part with, and we were always looking to boost this with the aid of private investors and local businesses, which we managed to secure, many of whom wish to remain anonymous, but a huge thank you goes out to Tony and the guys at Buckingham Insurance who contributed a large amount to our campaign. A big thank you to the Parish council and other local council officials for ignoring our direct emails to discuss potential funding options after being informed they had money available for such projects……obviously not this one! However, you guys did contribute, and more than we expected, the response we received from our customers was huge and we really appreciate every penny that was donated throughout our campaign especially now that we are looking at installing our brewery with approximately £25,000.

This has changed from our original investment requirement 1. Due to lack of support by local bodies but 2. Because we have now made the decision not to seek European funding due to the fact we are looking at getting second hand equipment and this apparently means that unless you’re buying brand new equipment (Which we priced up between £50k and £70k) you have to dance like a circus bear and jump through hoops like a malnourished lion (Does this metaphor still happen in real life?......apart from China) Under the European funding we have to wait 60 days for our funds to be agreed when we send off our application, however this means that the second hand equipment may not be available at the end of those 60 days, and we’re not allowed to put a deposit down as this can be seen as being able to afford the equipment out right, and if they find out you have placed a deposit they pull the funding. So, we would have been stuck in the rut of applying again and again and hoping that the equipment doesn’t sell elsewhere in the 60 days which could have gone on for years, now call me pessimistic but when I mentioned this it didn’t appear to be a problem, which surely is like placing a winning scratchcard on the notice board in tesco’s and expecting it to still be there in 6 days never mind 60. So needless to say we have decided against this route and instead are once again looking at doing the majority of work ourselves so that we can fulfil what we have promised ourselves and our customers.

The good news is work has started……with or without builders, I mean we’ve only asked 4 to come and give us quotes of which one has turned up, do these people not want work? (they’re about as reliable as a condom made of sugar paper)

We are looking at second hand breweries up and down the country for the most suitable and practical one to fit into our space and here is what we need to do to get the brewery up and running between now and November:

- Purchase a brewery and all vessels, ideally full set up

- Install of brewery

- Have the floor covered in concrete resin

- New glass doors between bar and brewery

- High security doors installed to external

- Walls to be plastered

- Waterproofing

- Stainless steel wash area

- New sink and rest of plumbing installed

- 3 Phase electric and rest of electric work completed

- Acrylic walls added for additional waterproofing

- Cellar cleaned out

- Cooling facility installed

- Ramp installed for cellar cool room

- As well as all the work in the background regarding the relevant licences etc

Contrary to popular belief (And our previous misconception before getting into the industry) it’s not just a case of buying a brewery, putting it in your space and off you go, it’s going to be a busy few months. I bet you thought we just sat around all day tasting new beers, well, that’s only 80% of our day!

So as you can see we have a lot to do, and oh how we love to set ourselves unrealistic targets, but we have every intention to have the brewery up and running in November which gives us less time than we had to get Heist up and running so wish us luck. (sad face emoji)

This by the way is at the same time as trying to run a successful business, brew our own beers off site, launch a successful campaign to get our beers out to the UK, setting up a portable bar franchise and eying up our next property as well as other business ventures which will be announced soon enough (Everyboday say ‘Ahhhhhhhh!!’)

If you didn’t get chance to support us through the crowdfunding you can still support us by coming along at every opportunity and keeping us busy in the bar. We also have a number of events coming up where you can support us by coming along, plus we’re giving you some bloody good reasons to so why not:

Saturday 12th August – Heist and Raw Cherry IPA (6%) ‘Overpr’Heist’ launch with limited edition ‘Rawheist’ pizza – Cherry IPA sausage, Beer cheese, tomato and herbs. There may also be another very special beer on draft!

Sunday 27th August – BREWDOG takeover, some very special beers lined up on draft, The gravy Train provide the food, Hay bale hoedown inside and out, merch stall and Brewdog Punks here to educate…..this is going to be massive!

Saturday 16th September – OKTOBERFEST – The fantastical German celebration of beer, with 5 awesome German beers on draft available in 2 pint steins, Bavarian decoration throughout, bierkeller tables and benches fancy dress items to give away to help everyone celebrate, traditional oompah music, Bratwurst sausage vendor and the very special treat of me and Dan in Lederhosen (No jokes they’ve been bought). And we’re open until midnight. Anyone else coming along in Oktoberfest fancy dress receives a free drink on arrival, let’s make this a great event

Finally, with events in mind we are now looking for gift vendors for our Christmas market so if you have a business, local or otherwise and think your products would go down well at the Christmas market then message us through facebook and we can add you to the shortlist (12 spaces available)

We have many others planned and you will start to see more of Heist around Clowne at other events as we like to get ourselves about.

Still going strong……..



Pissing people off since 2016

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The Wolf of Wallsheep

The BarPosted by Adam Wed, July 05, 2017 16:25:09

The wolf of wallsheep…….

3 months in (12 weeks) and we have surpassed or met certain expectations on our longevity in Clowne………Yay!! Lets throw a party!!

Saturday 8th July we will be open for the full duration of our license opening until Midnight and serving until 11.30pm for all our loyal customers (You will need to be in before 10pm though), so we are basically offering you a lock in to help us celebrate the massacre of negativity.

The good news is we’re still going strong and are only getting stronger each and every week, no matter how much negativity we are facing from people who haven’t even stepped foot in Heist, and it is great to hear what people are saying about us to friends and family that are also visiting as a result. We have seen an increase in new customers for the third month running and now have consistent regulars that have sold their homes and moved in to Heist (The offer’s there guys)

What isn’t helping is people passing comment without actually coming to see what we’re like, or to taste the ‘weird’, ‘shit’ or ‘not carling’ products that we have on offer which are just some of the smaller comments passed.

Here are some of the things we have heard over the past month:

“The owners are wankers” – We are wankers but this is opinion not fact, there are plenty of ‘wankers’ in our opinion in other shops and businesses, especially in customer service roles in Meadowhall stores but you all still shop there because they’re selling the brands you like and know. But what makes a wanker? Someone please tell us as our customers seem happy with our wankerish attitudes, whatever that may be? (Confused emoji face) The problem is we don’t and won’t have any of the brands you know, our customers like the idea of experimenting with the 100’s of different products we have on offer as to put it frankly they’re bored shitless of drinking the same product day in day out, come on people live a little, who knows, next year you may venture to Magaluf instead of Benidorm……exciting times!!

“They’re ripping people off” – Bored of justifying our prices, but here we go again…….Some Maths:

Our prices

£6 for a pint of 8.6% Double IPA which is £192 for a 30L Keg, averaging £3.80 to buy in per pint leaving us with around a 40% mark up, if that!

Branded product

Carling 4% Lager which is £173 for a 100L Keg (Already less to buy for more than 3x the beer), averaging 93p to buy in per pint which is being sold on average for £3.30 a pint meaning a 300% mark up. So if other places worked on our 40% mark up, a pint of carling should be £1.36

Now look at the percentage of the beer. How many pints of Carling would it take to get as pissed as what 2 pints of 8.6% would get you? A saving of £1.20, so we’re actually saving people money……….That’s some MoneySavingExpert shit right there…..

Not expensive just a far more superior product that’s brewed using an art form and quality produce and not a machine capable of brewing hundreds of thousands of litres at a time with no thought process. Also the price difference to make should highlight the quality of

the products used to make.

Anyway I’ve bored myself with that so moving on…….

“They only sell crap beer” – Pffft!! We refer to the previous 2 points. If we only sold crap beer no doubt you’d be in here drinking it. We just don’t have what has been brainwashed in to people for many decades into being the brands that you should be drinking. We’re like Aldi, offering you something that you’ve never seen on a supermarket shelf before but you can guarantee once you’ve tried it, it’s better than what you’ve had before.

“They think they’re in a city centre” – We’re wankers remember not idiots, we know exactly where we are. Where does everyone like to go for a celebration or decent night out? a city centre! Why? Because it has decent bars! And what do you pay for a decent drink in a city centre? More than what you would pay at Heist, £2 more to be exact (£5.50 for a bottle of beer the same as our £3.50 bottle, and £9.50 for a large glass of wine) and how do you get to and from a city centre? £50 for a taxi there and back (If you can get one) and yet we put the city centre on your door step, again saving you money and you moan……Jesus, anyone would think you like to moan about anything?

“Do you know that bar Heist in Clowne, they’re saving us money, how dare they”

We have tried to bring a city centre atmosphere to a rural area that would otherwise have to travel to enjoy the kind of atmosphere we are offering

We rely a lot on word of mouth, and if people are happy to listen to others rather than come in and try it for themselves then more fool you, we’ll carry on growing and the world will keep on turning without your invalid opinions but don't live a sheltered boring life, get out, experiment, do something different!

However if you’d like to lead your own life rather than listen to other people who haven’t visited then come on down and make up your own mind. Be a wolf not a sheep!

Saturday 8th July (This Saturday) Heist Lock in. Be there!

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Oooooh i heard it through the Grapevine!

The BarPosted by Adam Tue, May 16, 2017 19:39:17

Little villages and communities love their gossip, we know this because between us we have lived in a number of them around the UK, and Clowne is no different. Before we opened it was great to hear what people thought we were going to be, overhearing conversations in the street, passers by, in local shops and in Tesco…….all why we were portraying ourselves as workers and not owners. We were a real talking point! A brewery, a restaurant, an extension of the gym……..where do these rumours start?

Are they malicious?

Has someone taken it upon themselves to just decide what it's going to be?

Is it just small minded people not getting the full information before passing on as fact?

Chinese whispers got out of hand?

Whatever it may be, we have now realised we have somehow managed to start our own rumour which we find hilarious. 4 weeks ago when we opened we had a number of conversations with many different people who referred to us as ‘just what Clowne needs’ (see previous blog, it's a good read) and as part of these conversations we said that another thing that was needed in the area was a big restaurant to help bring people to the area, further to this we also mentioned we had a number of contacts in the food industry that we were trying to coax into buying the glass fronted building on the opposing corner (I think it used to be a car parts place?) to turn it into a restaurant.

4 weeks later and we are now being told that the glass fronted building on the corner ‘IS’ going to be a restaurant……..is it?

If it is then that is great news for us and the area and we have somehow managed to tempt our own fated rumour, but I can't help but think that this is all it is, a rumour!

I really hope it isn't just a rumour as the area is only getting better and something like this can really bring in further custom from the surrounding areas to benefit other businesses as seen by No4 Café and more modestly, Heist. Helping us to achieve our Donald Trump Esque campaign quote, in ‘making Clowne great again’.

One thing we need to try and change is people's mindset…..it was only this weekend we were asked, ‘Why Clowne?’ To which we replied ‘why not?’ To be greeted with the response, ‘because it's a shithole!’, this came from someone who was proudly stating that they come from this shithole. Why would you be proud of that fact? Why would you not want better for yourself and the area that you live in? This person then went on to moan about the prices and state they preferred the other drinking establishments, which is fine by us, each to their own but this opinion needs to change, not about us but about the area. You can't moan about the area, the shops, the pubs, the availability of local conveniences when you promote it in such a way. No wonder businesses don't want to come to the area if they think it's a shithole, have some pride in your heritage, your village and most notably, yourself!

Whatever the glass fronted building opposite is going to be please don't let it be another takeaway, for fuck sake, with several on the high street already and one on the way (fact by the way, not rumour) there surely can't be enough of a customer base in Clowne to keep them all afloat? How are these accepted businesses helping trade? Clowne may as well close its gates other than a road into Tesco and Aldi during the day as it's a ghost town.

With this in mind and recent local elections, should we not be asking the councillors what they intend on doing about vacant buildings and promoting business in the area instead of leaving it to the people of Clowne who do actually care, as from what I can tell, they are either not interested or don't care about the area, but more about their ego’s as not one has been in since opening to support us, and we have not had one person into our new business throughout the election, either because they don’t want to, or they don’t even know that we’re here. Either way that is not good news….. After all what are they actually planning? How many broken lights they can erect for Christmas? I'm not surprised if the people of Clowne think it's a shithole, if the people who are running it have their heads stuck up their own shithole. More business means better Christmas lights……think about it?

Anyway speaking of Christmas (Here's the plug) Heist are holding a Christmas Market in December, (Heist not the council) for the people of Clowne. 6 food stalls outside, including German Sausage, Old Smokey which is a 5 metre train that serves smoked meats, plus a toastie wagon, wood fired pizza and a chestnuts vendor. 10 Gift vendors inside to pick up those last minute gifts including craft beer merch stalls as well as alternative carol singers and a celebrity guest.

Clowne needs to change but this starts with us, the people of Clowne.


(No Trump link or affiliation before anymore rumours start)


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Opening a can of worms

The BarPosted by Adam Wed, April 26, 2017 14:06:29

We've been open 3 weeks and what a cracking 3 weeks it has been for me and Dan. We need to thank all our friends, family and you beautiful people of Clowne, and the surrounding areas for making it a successful launch and supporting our gigantic bollocks move to leave our corporate jobs and follow our dreams. This launch would not have been possible had it not been for the friends and family who supported the renovation so big shout out to:

Gazza - Father, No1 butcher, piano clean and jerk champion, and all round talented painter in the dark
Sue - Mother, sustenance provider and tea lady
Lindsay - Father in law, Pythagoras and measurement extraordinaire and tool hire
Matt - Brother in law, multi talented tradesman, furniture maker whose party trick is putting 9" nails through his foot
Elliot (AKA Rumpel Stiltskin) - Nephew, proper grafter in winkle pickers
Pat - Demolition expert fashionista
Nicole - Spending time in the toilet (painting)
Mark, Gary, Jake - Part time concrete layers, not by choice, paid in bacon and beer Elphius Flux - magically talented furniture and upcycling experts
Dean and Daz - Homebar cellar install, THE most important install
CKP Electrical - Emergency lighting and external visuals
Marc - Egg on legs graphics and visuals
Matt Cockayne - Goo Design, artist
Tony and Karen Child - agreed to give us this opportunity and hotline for problems with renovation

And finally the most important people who without them me and Dan would easily be eligible batchelors......sorry I mean alcoholics, thinking about buying a cat, living off pot noodles in the flat above......Sarah and Kaz (loving partners......we think!)

Blood, sweat and tears have gone into this and it is our intention to give it our all in making Clowne the bustling place it once was and bringing people back to the village, giving people a reason to visit from surrounding areas, and locals a reason to leave their homes in the evenings and the weekends.

With mainly positive feedback we have had a few gripes about our prices and opening hours, so firstly, prices........compared to what? Compared to the commonly available, Carling, Fosters, Stella, Blossom Hill and Strongbow our products are overpriced, but that is the only local competition we are being compared against, so yes we are expensive, but our products are not mass produced and are sourced from mainly independent UK brewers who charge more for the time and effort in making, as well as kegging, distributing and let's not forget the provision of a quality product. you get what you pay for and considering the complaints about the prices, funnily enough no one has complained about the quality of the product.....coincidence? I think not.

Secondly, opening hours.......Me and Dan are currently Consuela the cleaner, Barry the Barman, glass collector and pot wash as well as Entrepeneurs running our craft business from the bar 7 days a week, 12 hours a day so give us a break for f*ck sake........No seriously, our early evening close was with the consideration of our neighbours as well as the fact that with later opening comes trouble, which is something neither us nor our neighbours probably want. Our products are stronger than your run of the mill cooking beer, which given longer to consume more means an early bedtime for most people anyway. However with that being said we have had some great people through the door providing a great atmosphere, and after speaking with a number of our neighbours to confirm our volume levels on an evening we have decided to extend our hours and open until 10pm on Fridays and Saturdays for your craft drinking pleasure.......you're welcome!

Finally, we have some fantastic and quite frankly unbelievable Tap Takeovers and collaborations with local and UK breweries lined up, so get yourself along, and if you haven't already been to visit us, then why the hell not, we are easily the best place in Clowne.

Visit us at www.heistcraft.com

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