Posted by Adam Sun, August 19, 2018 17:29:40
How long has it been? A Loooooooong time, but that should tell you a number of things
1 We’ve been mega busy with the bar, brewing and different projects
2 We haven’t had time to fart never mind write a blog
3 We’ve been globe trotting and not had time
So, in short, we’ve been busy!!
Between the daily running of the bar, trying to secure our premises, the build and completion of the brewery, brewing in the UK and abroad and trying to finalise other projects it has been a whirlwind 8 months of 2018 so far, with no signs of it slowing down just yet. Not bad for a business that was given 3 months. (Smug face again, sorry but we can't help it)
Anyway without being arrogant about it (Shout out to the guy that labelled the 2 most laid back guys arrogant, its not arrogance its called being proud), we’ve been doing everything within our power to complete all the above ASAP, but we have had hiccup after hiccup delaying these proceeding as quick as we’d hoped (As all you crowdfunders will be thinking, ‘when the fudge is this brewery going to be completed?’) And the answer is very soon and you’ll receive your invite to the grand opening via email so make sure we have an up to date one for you.
However, if you want us to be ‘arrogant’ towards you here’s what you have to do to piss us off:
· Why not turn up with your very own alcohol and just buy cokes and tonics all night pretending that no one will notice because ‘they never do’. In fact, every venue does notice an increase in soft drink and tonic sales, its whether or not they’re happy for people to be in their venue sitting on their seats, using their electric, water heating etc while the profit from their tonics barely covers the several hours you’re sat in here. This isn’t guess work by the way here’s some of the things people find it acceptable to bring in, Small bottle of what can only be described as street tramp vodka (You know the kind you’d see someone carrying his bedding down the street swigging at a hip flask style bottle), Bottle of rosé in womens toilets, bottle of Jagermeister (So 2009), flight bottles of Hendricks, bottle of water hidden behind sanitary bin that smelt of Jack Daniels (Classy by the way, I mean the Whiskey in water bottle , not me smelling what was in it, although it’s not one of my finest moments either), cans of Koppaberg and Stella found in womens and mens toilets. Now I wouldn’t mind if any of this shit was better than what we sell but some people just don’t have taste.
While I’m on the subject, who the fuck takes drinks to the toilets with them? I get that people don’t want them spiked etc but we’re not a nightclub from circa 2005, and to finish a drink in the toilet!! What’s that about? Is this finished before or after a No1 or No2? I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is I’m not one for finishing off my drink with the sweet sweet aroma of urine going up my nose.
· If you like our drinks but think the glasses come as part of the package then why not Steal our glasses. Well you’ve paid a lot for that premium beer/gin so you may as well take the container it comes in!! This is sarcasm by the way……. For every glass stolen this can slowly run an independent business into the ground. We don’t get lorry loads of Carling and Coors glasses for everyone to take home, or another favourite of ours, is to walk to another pub with the drink you’ve just bought. If you buy a drink here, drink it here. For the other pubs in Clowne we have several hundred Carling, coors and fosters glasses ready for you to pick up when you want them. Clowne isn’t a constant festival where you can walk around the village streets drinking and the glasses get returned to the appropriate venue at the end of the night We pay over £600 for 300 glasses with our ‘own’ brand on them. That’s a lot of money to lose when someone decides they haven’t got a Heist glass in their collection yet. We have had customers take glasses at the end of the night and bring these back the next day, and don’t batter an eye lid because that’s the right thing to do.
· Bring your own snacks and sit in here eating them. I wonder how many times you’ve been invited to Sunday dinner at the in-laws and taken your own Yorkshires because the ones your mother in law makes aren’t very nice. If you did I’m sure they’d be offended, which is also how we feel when this happens to us. We always purchase our products on taste first and won’t just buy any shit. We buy products that we think people will appreciate as you can’t find them everywhere else in Clowne. It has been mentioned that another place in the village sells what we do for 50p less than we do. We’re a business with profit margins that we need to succeed as a business/building and to cover our costs, so 5p profit per bag and £1.20 profit on a box of 24, what will this actually cover in terms of bills. We’ve found more than this down the back of the sofas in the bar.
If you want to see us sell something behind the bar give us direct feedback and we’ll see what we can do and if this fits in with our business model. We have obtained numerous recommendations (Yorkshire crisps for one) and now stock loads of different Gins, Ciders, beers because of your recommendations.
With this being said there is a small exception and that’s children. We appreciate that Children aren’t always the easiest to cater for and parents don’t always want their children having fizzy/caffeinated drinks and being a bar, we don’t cater for children so if you want to bring a fruit shoot or bag of pom bears for the little ones that’s fine. However if you haven’t grown out of your own child like phase and still use words like ‘yuck’ and ‘urgh’ when flavours of crisps you haven’t heard of before are read out to you, then you don’t have the right to pop to Mccolls (and pay way above the original cost price by the way if you think £1 is expensive) and buy yourselves an industrial size bag of Monster Munch or Space Invaders and eat them in barbarian fashion leaving remnants all over for us to clean up.
We appreciate every single person that walks through our doors, as does any business but If anything in our bar seems too expensive or you feel you have the right to take other things with you because of the amount you have paid then this probably isn’t the place for you and you’re better off drinking elsewhere.
This blog was just an excuse for a vent but as we have your attention we may aswell tell you about some positive things that have happened over the last few months.
We went to Budapest and made some beer – Blood Orange Double IPA brewed with Balkezes which will be back over here within 2 weeks. It was just voted summer beer of the year in Hungary by a beer blogger and we can’t wait for you to try it.
We went to America and made some beer called ‘Clowne’ brewed with a US brewery called Ass Clown which was due to be shipped back also, but due to Donald Trump being a top class Ass Clown himself duty and taxes have rocketed meaning the original cost has nearly doubled which has become unaffordable for us to get in. The good news is there is a beer in the US named after a small little village in Derbyshire and the beer itself is going down strong. Matt from Ass Clown will also be coming over from the US to brew with us in Clowne later on this year which we are mega excited about.
We have brewed 2 beers in the UK which are now available
- Insane Clowne Posse – Another beer with the name of Clowne on it. Rye IPA brewed in collaboration with Black Iris
- Bangers and Clash of the Tight ‘uns – A charity beer brewed with Lost Industry, Sentinel, Brew Foundation and Sheffield Brewery. This Session NEIPA is currently in keg and cask around the UK and will be back in cans very shortly to purchase and distribute around the UK.
Our next event is Sunday 26th August Bank
holiday. Ridgeside Brewery will be
attending with 5 awesome beers, along with Blazing Saddles BBQ and live music all day……..As
always it will be a cracking day and look forward to having you along, as long
as you’re not drinking your own alcohol, eating your own snacks or taking our
glasses home with you.
We will be off on our charity beer rally in September where you will be introduced to a new face behind the bar who will be serving in our absence, all will be revealed shortly. You will be able to follow our trip on BBC Radio Sheffield as well as us updating our social media sites every day so you can join us on an epic trip across europe.
We also have the launch of the brewery and holiday flat in October, TBA, however crowdfunders rest assured you will be the first to see the finished products with a personal invite to the opening before the rest of our customers get the chance to see what we have done.
Hope to see you all next Sunday…….