The BarPosted by Adam Sun, August 19, 2018 17:29:40
How long has it been? A Loooooooong time, but that should
tell you a number of things
1 We’ve been mega busy with the bar, brewing and
2 We haven’t had time to fart never mind write a
3 We’ve been globe trotting and not had time
So, in short, we’ve been busy!!
Between the daily running of the bar, trying to secure our
premises, the build and completion of the brewery, brewing in the UK and abroad
and trying to finalise other projects it has been a whirlwind 8 months of 2018
so far, with no signs of it slowing down just yet. Not bad for a business that was given 3
months. (Smug face again, sorry but we can't help it)
Anyway without being arrogant about it (Shout out to the guy that
labelled the 2 most laid back guys arrogant, its not arrogance its called being proud), we’ve been doing everything
within our power to complete all the above ASAP, but we have had hiccup after
hiccup delaying these proceeding as quick as we’d hoped (As all you
crowdfunders will be thinking, ‘when the fudge is this brewery going to be
completed?’) And the answer is very soon
and you’ll receive your invite to the grand opening via email so make sure we
have an up to date one for you.
However, if you want us to be ‘arrogant’ towards you here’s
what you have to do to piss us off:
· Why not turn up with your very own alcohol and
just buy cokes and tonics all night pretending that no one will notice because ‘they
never do’. In fact, every venue does notice an increase in soft drink and tonic
sales, its whether or not they’re happy for people to be in their venue sitting
on their seats, using their electric, water heating etc while the profit from
their tonics barely covers the several hours you’re sat in here. This isn’t guess work by the way here’s some
of the things people find it acceptable to bring in, Small bottle of what can
only be described as street tramp vodka (You know the kind you’d see someone
carrying his bedding down the street swigging at a hip flask style bottle),
Bottle of rosé in womens toilets, bottle of Jagermeister (So 2009), flight
bottles of Hendricks, bottle of water hidden behind sanitary bin that smelt of
Jack Daniels (Classy by the way, I mean the Whiskey in water bottle , not me
smelling what was in it, although it’s not one of my finest moments either),
cans of Koppaberg and Stella found in womens and mens toilets. Now I wouldn’t mind if any of this shit was
better than what we sell but some people just don’t have taste.
While I’m on the subject, who the fuck
takes drinks to the toilets with them? I get that people don’t want them spiked
etc but we’re not a nightclub from circa 2005, and to finish a drink in the
toilet!! What’s that about? Is this finished before or after a No1 or No2? I’m
not sure, but what I am sure of is I’m not one for finishing off my drink with
the sweet sweet aroma of urine going up my nose.
· If you like our drinks but think the glasses
come as part of the package then why not Steal our glasses. Well you’ve paid a
lot for that premium beer/gin so you may as well take the container it comes
in!! This is sarcasm by the way……. For every glass stolen this can slowly run
an independent business into the ground.
We don’t get lorry loads of Carling and Coors glasses for everyone to
take home, or another favourite of ours, is to walk to another pub with the
drink you’ve just bought. If you buy a
drink here, drink it here. For the other pubs in Clowne we have several hundred
Carling, coors and fosters glasses ready for you to pick up when you want them.
Clowne isn’t a constant festival where you can walk around the village streets
drinking and the glasses get returned to the appropriate venue at the end of the
night We pay over £600 for 300 glasses
with our ‘own’ brand on them. That’s a
lot of money to lose when someone decides they haven’t got a Heist glass in
their collection yet. We have had
customers take glasses at the end of the night and bring these back the next
day, and don’t batter an eye lid because that’s the right thing to do.
· Bring your own snacks and sit in here eating
them. I wonder how many times you’ve been invited to Sunday dinner at the in-laws
and taken your own Yorkshires because the ones your mother in law makes aren’t
very nice. If you did I’m sure they’d be
offended, which is also how we feel when this happens to us. We always purchase
our products on taste first and won’t just buy any shit. We buy products that we think people will appreciate
as you can’t find them everywhere else in Clowne. It has been mentioned that another place in
the village sells what we do for 50p less than we do. We’re a business with profit margins that we
need to succeed as a business/building and to cover our costs, so 5p profit per
bag and £1.20 profit on a box of 24, what will this actually cover in terms of
bills. We’ve found more than this down the back of the sofas in the bar.
If you want to see us sell something behind the bar give us
direct feedback and we’ll see what we can do and if this fits in with our business
model. We have obtained numerous
recommendations (Yorkshire crisps for one) and now stock loads of different
Gins, Ciders, beers because of your recommendations.
With this being said there is a small exception and that’s children. We appreciate that Children aren’t always the
easiest to cater for and parents don’t always want their children having
fizzy/caffeinated drinks and being a bar, we don’t cater for children so if you
want to bring a fruit shoot or bag of pom bears for the little ones that’s fine. However if you haven’t grown out of your own
child like phase and still use words like ‘yuck’ and ‘urgh’ when flavours of
crisps you haven’t heard of before are read out to you, then you don’t have the
right to pop to Mccolls (and pay way above the original cost price by the way
if you think £1 is expensive) and buy yourselves an industrial size bag of
Monster Munch or Space Invaders and eat them in barbarian fashion leaving
remnants all over for us to clean up.
We appreciate every single person that walks through our
doors, as does any business but If anything in our bar seems too expensive or
you feel you have the right to take other things with you because of the amount
you have paid then this probably isn’t the place for you and you’re better off
This blog was just an excuse for a vent but as we have your
attention we may aswell tell you about some positive things that have happened
over the last few months.
We went to Budapest and made some beer – Blood Orange Double
IPA brewed with Balkezes which will be back over here within 2 weeks. It was just voted summer beer of the year in
Hungary by a beer blogger and we can’t wait for you to try it.
We went to America and made some beer called ‘Clowne’ brewed
with a US brewery called Ass Clown which was due to be shipped back also, but
due to Donald Trump being a top class Ass Clown himself duty and taxes have
rocketed meaning the original cost has nearly doubled which has become
unaffordable for us to get in. The good
news is there is a beer in the US named after a small little village in
Derbyshire and the beer itself is going down strong. Matt from Ass Clown will also be coming over
from the US to brew with us in Clowne later on this year which we are mega
We have brewed 2 beers in the UK which are now available
Insane Clowne Posse – Another beer with the name
of Clowne on it. Rye IPA brewed in
collaboration with Black Iris
Bangers and Clash of the Tight ‘uns – A charity
beer brewed with Lost Industry, Sentinel, Brew Foundation and Sheffield
Brewery. This Session NEIPA is currently
in keg and cask around the UK and will be back in cans very shortly to purchase
and distribute around the UK.
Our next event is Sunday 26th August Bank
holiday. Ridgeside Brewery will be
attending with 5 awesome beers, along with Blazing Saddles BBQ and live music all day……..As
always it will be a cracking day and look forward to having you along, as long
as you’re not drinking your own alcohol, eating your own snacks or taking our
glasses home with you.
We will be off on our charity beer rally in September where you will be introduced to a new face behind the bar who will be serving in our absence, all will be revealed shortly. You will be able to follow our trip on BBC Radio Sheffield as well as us updating our social media sites every day so you can join us on an epic trip across europe.
We also have the launch of the brewery and holiday flat in
October, TBA, however crowdfunders rest assured you will be the first to see
the finished products with a personal invite to the opening before the rest of
our customers get the chance to see what we have done.
Hope to see you all next Sunday…….
The BarPosted by Adam Wed, December 20, 2017 17:02:20
Dear Santa, yeah, we’ve
been naughty this year, and its been worth it you fat judgmental B*stard.
Thought that would get your attention, and speaking of which
it was brought to our attention that we haven’t
written a blog in a while. Apart from
the fact we have probably exhausted our moaning about our prices, opening hours,
the products we serve, Tesco, takeaways and the council (All of which are still
gripes), we have been incredibly f**king busy.
On this note I think our Christmas market was a MASSIVE success, don't you? With
nearly 2000 people through the door which is insane, I think only Tesco and
Aldi get these numbers through the door and they’re
worldwide names, we’re just little old Heist
(Smug face). We’re here (just the 2 of us) if
anyone needs our help next year reaching these numbers, no names or authorities
Contrary to popular belief, we don’t just drink beer all day, and unbelievably we have only
been open 8 ½ months, in which time most
businesses are contemplating which direction to take, whether they plough on at
a risk, or contemplation of closure, which you may have seen from other
businesses in the last 8 ½ months. We however are more than comfortable,
probably because of the hard work we put in to the business, now this is not us
justifying to our customers what we do but more making everyone aware how much
we do do, to ensure we are a successful business and brand going forward. Anyone can open a business but very few
people have the balls or other lady parts to see it through even through the
rough, as its easier to pack it all in and/or bury their heads in the
sand. We however hold our heads high at
what we have achieved in the time we have had.
Beginning in April it was always our dream to start a
business that would grow and grow and we’ve made
a bloody good start. We have met our own
objectives for this year which were to brew with key leaders in the craft
market, build a strong local customer base, produce our own first brew, open a
brewery, and the biggest one of all, to not have to pay for our own Christmas
party (You can see where our priorities lie) and these have all come to
fruition this year.
The good news is there is more to come next year, with even
more objectives that will be achieved by the end of 2018, all of which are
under wraps, although if you keep your eyes peeled there is a massive green
clue on the front of our premises which forms part of 1 of many new plans and
ventures. What we can tell you is we
will continue to bring some big names to Clowne, and we will be taking the
village of Clowne along with the Heist Brand overseas several times throughout
take all the credit though, this is not all purely down to our own motivation, passion,
drive, enthusiasm, ambition and aspiration. No! No!……it’s also down to our customers, all you ex Carling drinkers we have managed to convert to proper beer. All of our customers who have shown interest in
us and our business and all those who have supported us both mentally and
physically. Parents, family, friends, customers
and crowdfunders have all played their part in our success so a massive thank
you goes out to each and every one of you at this time of year, and if we weren’t so tight you would all be getting a
small token of our appreciation in the form of a drink, but instead you will
have to accept this blog. We said we were comfortable, not made of money. Maybe
next year…………! Key word there being ‘maybe’.
Oh, I forgot to mention a special someone in particular, a
massive thank you goes out to the guy that shit all over the toilet seat in the
mens, you are a gem my friend. This is
not an invite for a trend to start as we won’t be as
thankful going forward……We just
wish we knew where you lived so that we could repay the favour. In the meantime you keep going fella…..
These are the kind of perks of the
job that we have really enjoyed this year, and whoever says, ‘it’s what comes
with the job!’ no its not, it’s what comes with the customers whom without any
business would fail, it doesn’t mean you allow them to vacate themselves
wherever they please for the price of a pint.
It cost us £20 in bleach…….However this being said we couldn’t be any
more thankful for the other 99.9% that can handle their alcohol, and their own bowels.
We would like to wish all of our
customers a very Merry Christmas and hope that everyone has a very prosperous,
happy and successful New Year. 2018 is THE year!!
And in the words of Tiny Tim ‘God
Bless us, everyone!’ (Including toilet guy)
Our opening hours for Christmas are:
23rd – 12 – 10pm
24th – 12 – 9pm
25th – Closed
26th – 12 – 6pm
27th – 2 – 8pm
28th – 2 – 8pm
29th – 2 – 8pm
30th – Closed
31st – Invite Only
1st Jan – Closed
The BarPosted by Adam Mon, October 02, 2017 12:15:48
According to a number of unreliable sources we are closing down. We can confirm this is absolute nonsicle bullshart!
We have now been asked, and told, on several occasions that we are closing down. Apparently when you hire a skip and are seen moving items from your premises in preparation for a brewery......this means you're preparing to close down.
I refer you to a previous blog 'oooooooh, I heard it through the Grapevine!'
How do some people get on in life, jumping from rumour to rumour without knowing if the information they are passing on is correct or not, thus not realising that this sort of uneducated guessing can impact a business.
JUST FOR THE RECORD, WE ARE NOT CLOSING AND ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EVER IN OUR GROWTH.
Here are some rumours to keep the uneducated guessers busy for a few months until the brewery is complete:
Apparently, the local vets have successfully bred a poodle and a shitzu, they are calling it a Shitpoodle
Apparently the memorial is being knocked down to make way for a giant ferris wheel called the Clowne eye.
Apparently the rail tracks are being relaid as part of the 6423 mile track (Accurate mileage, check google) that will carry North Korean missiles to America undetected.
Apparently the natural spring that runs underneath clowne has tested positive for a chemical that turns people invisible and people have been using this power to steal free bus rides.
Just for legal reference, we don't believe any of the above to be true, nor do we refer to any businesses in particular.
In the interest of applied marketing, we are using this opportunity to begin our closing down sale which will run for the next 35 years, no prices reduced but all stock must go.
AGAIN, JUST INCASE PEOPLE HAVE SKIM READ, WE ARE NOT CLOSING DOWN!!
The BarPosted by Adam Wed, September 20, 2017 13:37:29
When we set out on our mission 5 months ago to set up our own business and bring craft beer to the people of Clowne, we also laid out our own mission statement for the bar, and that was to make Clowne great again. 5 months in and we can't say whether we are or not and i'm sure that opinion is different in some peoples eyes, but we're having a good bloody go at doing the right thing but the village with increasing positive feedback, excluding that of Price mark and queuing (We'll come back to this later)
2 major events of the year passed and we have brought people in their hundreds from:
plus other different areas of Chesterfield and Sheffield.
This is what we actually know of, so please if you call in and you're reading this and we haven't mentioned your area, feel free to let us know. Its good to know, and also helps with the bank manager when explaining our customer reach when proposing new ventures
(Oh yeah we've found out how to use actual emoji's this time but almost certain the metaphorical ones are better, i.e rolled fist and a water splash emoji)
Local customers inform us that this many people in Clowne was an issue many years ago and people from surrounding areas only came to Clowne for a fight, or at lest thats how the night ended up, well we can now confirm the people from the aforementioned areas are coming back to Clowne, but this time to have a good time and many of our customers have made good friends with people they had never even met before. Long gone are the neanderthal times, people are actually enjoying themselves without the need to punch someone in the face because they looked at them funny or bumped into them at the bar. This shit happens, and trust me there was plenty of bumping going off this weekend in an overcrowded Heist but the usual response is 'sorry' and get on with your evening and thats what people did, and what a mighty fine evening it was. We have had nothing but positive feedback regarding the evening and what we laid on. The band was amazing, the steins went down well, too well with some people who couldn't find their way out of the building at the end of the night, and the sausage went down a treat. (insert own innuendo here) The only negative came in the form of a queue that took 30 minutes to get to the front of, and there were a number of things that impacted this:
2 pint Steins take a lifetime to pour - Obviously not hosting an event with steins before this is something we couldn't predict.
Our till decided it was on go slow - Transactions via cash and card were slowed all night, we even rebooted but this didn't help.
People not knowing what they want when they got to the front of the queue - Now as much as we would like to take full responsibility for this, when you've been in a queue for 30 mins and still don't know what you want when you get to the front, what the fudge have you been thinking about in the queue?? Thats like queuing for a ride at Alton Towers and then deciding when you get to the front that you're not sure whether or not you should go on the ride and holding everyone up behind you.
Anyway we're bitching, the fact of the evening is yes we only have 2 members of staff that serve, however more staff, which a lot of people were quite forthcoming in mentioning, would not help the situation as all of the above would still bottle neck as they did with 2 staff, so more staff could have even made this worse. More staff is definitely an option for the future months, but we have only been open 5 months, this is not a long time at all, and we are still growing in terms of custom so no doubt Heist will get even busier but until we can forecast and predict customer volumes this will remain the same as we are trying to run a viable business, not just a pub/bar. We are currently self funding the install of a brewery so our outgoings need to remain minimal for now, and once this is up and running in November then yes we will need more staff but until then please bare with us. Because, lets face it, where else does what we're doing?
With this being said we do have a new member of Staff who is being trained in everything bar work.......Please Welcome Olivia Jade Haslam......Embarrassing picture to follow. Olivia has been with us for nearly a month now but we needed to make sure she could put up with me and Dan before confirming her as a permanent fixture, but she's here to stay. Starting with the smaller tasks of glass collecting, cleaning and stocking up she will move on to other tasks soon enough, including serving, we just need to make sure she knows the products as well as us 2, otherwise we are offering nothing better than any other pub around here.
As well as this we are implementing a number of adjustments that will help reduce the queue and the speed of service until then so we are still thinking about you and taking notice, we're not just stood there laughing about the fact you've been stood in a queue for 30 mins, however with that being said many people did comment that the queue was worth the wait with the quality of the drink so thats a bonus, it could have been worse, there could have been Carling or Fosters waiting for you at the end of that queue!
Finally, we had a few comments about the time we stopped serving, 11pm, after saying it was a lock in! it was a lock in as we still remained open until 12 but we have to look at it from a business point of view depending on how the night is going. We decided to stop serving at 11pm for the health of our customers and the benefit of our neighbours. Here's an equation to show you how this is determined:
Volume of customer = Alcohol & food consumption
Duration of alcohol consumption
We were collecting in a lot of full pints and Steins and half drank drinks which suggests that people have had enough, only confirmed by the video evidence received the following day of how some people went home, and it wasn't pretty. Contrary to popular belief we're not just out to get your money and if stock is being wasted, rather than serve more that could be wasted we decided to stop serving, and if anything saved you some money! Also as much as you think you're sober, you can't hide a slur.......you're mind tells you you're speaking normally but your body won't let you, its fact!! So when you come in saying you weren't drunk and felt fine, your gurning told a different story, and when you think you're leaving the premises quietly, you're not!
Hopefully a 30 minute queue hasn't put you off returning as this will not be the case at every event, it just couldn't be helped on this occasion but we thank you for baring with us on the evening and we can't wait to have you again, so to speak!
The next event is in October and will run Friday 27th, Saturday 28th and Sunday 29th October which is a Tap takeover, meet the brewer with Beer Ink from Huddersfield. These are the guys that brought you Starbeer, the imperial peanut butter, chocolate and caramel stout, and we are pleased to announce we will be brewing a collaboration beer with them which will be a halloween themed stout. As well as this there will a quirky edition to the weekends activity that I can't say has ever happened around here before, but we'll see how it goes down, all we will say at this point is that 'you may feel a little prick!'
Love you and leave you, peace out!!!
Please feel free to use the hashtags when sharing and commenting
The BarPosted by Adam Wed, August 09, 2017 12:58:48
When the Crowd say ‘fund’, erect one!!
So, a massive thank you to all our friends, new friends,
family, customers and private investors who have helped us raise a massive
amount that means work can now start on the brewery that will be on site at
Heist. A massive thank you also goes out
to the facebook and twitter haters that inadvertently raised our profile with
their bitching and moaning nearing the end of our campaign which boosted it by
another £4,000……..so yeah, thanks!! (Middle finger emoji) This revolved around
the crowdfunding pledge names which were ‘apparently’ phallic in nature (We hadn’t
noticed) which some didn’t find appropriate nor funny, and labelled them crass
and crude, as well as labelling our investors moronic, all I can say is it’s a good
job you’ve got to know us and you have a sense of humour.
It was a slow start with the crowdfunding and we could feel
the hesitancy from some of our customers, when the crowdfunding site was slowly
climbing and remained on £3,500 for quite a long time, as to whether or not the
brewery would actually go ahead. This
was however all part of the plan, as, as much as we knew our customers would
support us through this we were under no illusion that we would raise £30,000
purely from our customers, as that is a lot of money to expect people who have
known us less than 3 months to part with, and we were always looking to boost
this with the aid of private investors and local businesses, which we managed
to secure, many of whom wish to remain anonymous, but a huge thank you goes out
to Tony and the guys at Buckingham Insurance who contributed a large amount to
our campaign. A big thank you to the
Parish council and other local council officials for ignoring our direct emails
to discuss potential funding options after being informed they had money
available for such projects……obviously not this one! However, you guys did
contribute, and more than we expected, the response we received from our
customers was huge and we really appreciate every penny that was donated
throughout our campaign especially now that we are looking at installing our
brewery with approximately £25,000.
This has changed from our original investment requirement 1.
Due to lack of support by local bodies but 2. Because we have now made the
decision not to seek European funding due to the fact we are looking at getting
second hand equipment and this apparently means that unless you’re buying brand
new equipment (Which we priced up between £50k and £70k) you have to dance like
a circus bear and jump through hoops like a malnourished lion (Does this
metaphor still happen in real life?......apart from China) Under the European
funding we have to wait 60 days for our funds to be agreed when we send off our
application, however this means that the second hand equipment may not be
available at the end of those 60 days, and we’re not allowed to put a deposit
down as this can be seen as being able to afford the equipment out right, and
if they find out you have placed a deposit they pull the funding. So, we would have been stuck in the rut of
applying again and again and hoping that the equipment doesn’t sell elsewhere
in the 60 days which could have gone on for years, now call me pessimistic but when
I mentioned this it didn’t appear to be a problem, which surely is like placing
a winning scratchcard on the notice board in tesco’s and expecting it to still
be there in 6 days never mind 60. So
needless to say we have decided against this route and instead are once again
looking at doing the majority of work ourselves so that we can fulfil what we
have promised ourselves and our customers.
The good news is work has started……with or without builders,
I mean we’ve only asked 4 to come and give us quotes of which one has turned
up, do these people not want work? (they’re about as reliable as a condom made
of sugar paper)
We are looking at second hand breweries up and down the
country for the most suitable and practical one to fit into our space and here
is what we need to do to get the brewery up and running between now and
Purchase a brewery and all vessels, ideally full
Install of brewery
Have the floor covered in concrete resin
New glass doors between bar and brewery
High security doors installed to external
Walls to be plastered
Stainless steel wash area
New sink and rest of plumbing installed
3 Phase electric and rest of electric work
Acrylic walls added for additional waterproofing
Cellar cleaned out
Cooling facility installed
Ramp installed for cellar cool room
As well as all the work in the background
regarding the relevant licences etc
Contrary to popular belief (And our previous misconception
before getting into the industry) it’s not just a case of buying a brewery,
putting it in your space and off you go, it’s going to be a busy few months. I bet you thought we just sat around all day
tasting new beers, well, that’s only 80% of our day!
So as you can see we have a lot to
do, and oh how we love to set ourselves unrealistic targets, but we have every
intention to have the brewery up and running in November which gives us less
time than we had to get Heist up and running so wish us luck. (sad face emoji)
This by the way is at the same
time as trying to run a successful business, brew our own beers off site,
launch a successful campaign to get our beers out to the UK, setting up a portable
bar franchise and eying up our next property as well as other business ventures
which will be announced soon enough (Everyboday say ‘Ahhhhhhhh!!’)
If you didn’t get chance to
support us through the crowdfunding you can still support us by coming along at
every opportunity and keeping us busy in the bar. We also have a number of events coming up
where you can support us by coming along, plus we’re giving you some bloody
good reasons to so why not:
Saturday 12th August –
Heist and Raw Cherry IPA (6%) ‘Overpr’Heist’ launch with limited edition ‘Rawheist’
pizza – Cherry IPA sausage, Beer cheese, tomato and herbs. There may also be another very special beer
Sunday 27th August –
BREWDOG takeover, some very special beers lined up on draft, The gravy Train
provide the food, Hay bale hoedown inside and out, merch stall and Brewdog
Punks here to educate…..this is going to be massive!
Saturday 16th September
– OKTOBERFEST – The fantastical German celebration of beer, with 5 awesome
German beers on draft available in 2 pint steins, Bavarian decoration
throughout, bierkeller tables and benches fancy dress items to give away to
help everyone celebrate, traditional oompah music, Bratwurst sausage vendor and
the very special treat of me and Dan in Lederhosen (No jokes they’ve been
bought). And we’re open until midnight. Anyone else coming along in Oktoberfest fancy
dress receives a free drink on arrival, let’s make this a great event
Finally, with events in mind we
are now looking for gift vendors for our Christmas market so if you have a
business, local or otherwise and think your products would go down well at the Christmas
market then message us through facebook and we can add you to the shortlist (12
We have many others planned and
you will start to see more of Heist around Clowne at other events as we like to
get ourselves about.
Still going strong……..
Pissing people off since 2016
The BarPosted by Adam Wed, July 05, 2017 16:25:09
The wolf of
3 months in
(12 weeks) and we have surpassed or met certain expectations on our longevity
in Clowne………Yay!! Lets throw a party!!
July we will be open for the full duration of our license opening until
Midnight and serving until 11.30pm for all our loyal customers (You will need
to be in before 10pm though), so we are basically offering you a lock in to
help us celebrate the massacre of negativity.
news is we’re still going strong and are only getting stronger each and every week,
no matter how much negativity we are facing from people who haven’t even
stepped foot in Heist, and it is great to hear what people are saying about us
to friends and family that are also visiting as a result. We have seen an
increase in new customers for the third month running and now have consistent
regulars that have sold their homes and moved in to Heist (The offer’s there
helping is people passing comment without actually coming to see what we’re
like, or to taste the ‘weird’, ‘shit’ or ‘not carling’ products that we have on
offer which are just some of the smaller comments passed.
some of the things we have heard over the past month:
are wankers” – We are wankers but this is opinion not fact, there are plenty of ‘wankers’
in our opinion in other shops and businesses, especially in customer service
roles in Meadowhall stores but you all still shop there because they’re selling
the brands you like and know. But what makes a wanker? Someone please tell us as our customers seem happy with our wankerish attitudes, whatever that may be? (Confused emoji face) The
problem is we don’t and won’t have any of the brands you know, our customers
like the idea of experimenting with the 100’s of different products we have on
offer as to put it frankly they’re bored shitless of drinking the same product
day in day out, come on people live a little, who knows, next year you may
venture to Magaluf instead of Benidorm……exciting times!!
ripping people off” – Bored of justifying our prices, but here we go again…….Some
£6 for a
pint of 8.6% Double IPA which is £192 for a 30L Keg, averaging £3.80 to buy in
per pint leaving us with around a 40% mark up, if that!
Lager which is £173 for a 100L Keg (Already less to buy for more than 3x the
beer), averaging 93p to buy in per pint which is being sold on average for
£3.30 a pint meaning a 300% mark up. So
if other places worked on our 40% mark up, a pint of carling should be £1.36
Now look at
the percentage of the beer. How many pints of Carling would it take to get as
pissed as what 2 pints of 8.6% would get you? A saving of £1.20, so we’re
actually saving people money……….That’s some MoneySavingExpert shit right there…..
expensive just a far more superior product that’s brewed using an art form and
quality produce and not a machine capable of brewing hundreds of thousands of
litres at a time with no thought process.
Also the price difference to make should highlight the quality of
products used to make.
bored myself with that so moving on…….
sell crap beer” – Pffft!! We refer to the previous 2 points. If we only sold crap beer no doubt you’d be
in here drinking it. We just don’t have
what has been brainwashed in to people for many decades into being the brands
that you should be drinking. We’re like
Aldi, offering you something that you’ve never seen on a supermarket shelf
before but you can guarantee once you’ve tried it, it’s better than what you’ve
they’re in a city centre” – We’re wankers remember not idiots, we know exactly
where we are. Where does everyone like
to go for a celebration or decent night out? a city centre! Why? Because it has
decent bars! And what do you pay for a decent drink in a city centre? More than
what you would pay at Heist, £2 more to be exact (£5.50 for a bottle of beer
the same as our £3.50 bottle, and £9.50 for a large glass of wine) and how do
you get to and from a city centre? £50 for a taxi there and back (If you can
get one) and yet we put the city centre on your door step, again saving you
money and you moan……Jesus, anyone would think you like to moan about anything?
know that bar Heist in Clowne, they’re saving us money, how dare they”
tried to bring a city centre atmosphere to a rural area that would otherwise
have to travel to enjoy the kind of atmosphere we are offering
We rely a
lot on word of mouth, and if people are happy to listen to others rather than
come in and try it for themselves then more fool you, we’ll carry on growing
and the world will keep on turning without your invalid opinions but don't live a sheltered boring life, get out, experiment, do something different!
you’d like to lead your own life rather than listen to other people who haven’t
visited then come on down and make up your own mind. Be a wolf not a sheep!
July (This Saturday) Heist Lock in. Be
The BarPosted by Dan Fri, June 02, 2017 17:15:58
In the wake of the Lost Industry Tap Takeover we thought we
would shed some light on what it is we’re actually doing as a business and more
importantly for the village of Clowne.
Obviously we are quite aware that the last few blogs have
been negative, in response to negative comments, however this is a bit more,
joyful, non offending and overall a more interesting read (well we’ll try on
all 3 counts), here goes……
This weekend we had our most successful weekend since
opening partly thanks to great weather, pay day, the Lost Industry takeover and
more and more people finding out where we are and what we’re doing here, which
isn’t just overcharging people for a quality product like some people
think…….Damn! Let me start again…….
The Lost Industry Tap takeover was the first of many events
we will be bringing you this year, and although it was majorly successful it
is by no means the biggest of the events
we will have this year. Let me
explain……Lost Industry are a well renowned brewery in the craft industry mainly
for their bat shit crazy sour creations, producing in large volumes their
experimental beers in bottles, kegs and cask, from their 10BBL plant (meaning
they can brew up to 1600 litres per brew) in Wadsley Bridge mainly for distribution
to many of the Yorkshire regions; But these guys have also gathered a strong
following further afield up and down the UK distributing from London to
Scotland and their reputation is only growing.
With small batch distribution to some of Europe and Heist export now
sending out samples to buyers across the world, it won't be long before Lost
Industry are distributing globally.
In respect of what Lost Industry do and are trying to do,
which is to just ‘produce beer that we want to drink’, they are still a family run operation of 4 (and
supporting partners of course before we get a backlash) which looking at their
current portfolio is a great achievement. http://www.lostindustrybrewing.com
So with this in mind and taking into consideration we have
another 2 breweries of the same size and caliber,
Neon Raptor – a one man band from Derby, full time engineer
(for now) and part time Bearded Brewer from Scotland who is currently cuckoo
brewing until his own brewery Tap is opened in Nottingham. This guy is blindly becoming
famous in the Craft world, after winning a Brewdog home brew contest with his
first beer ‘Endangered’ (Bourbon and Vanilla Porter) which was brewed using a
wilkos stock pot some garden hose and copper piping, he is now following the
Heist slogan and looking at going balls deep in Craft as his brews grow
strength and notoriety amongst the craft scene.
Adam from Neon Raptor will be at Heist on the 17th June with
his own brews as well as our Collaboration brew TyrannosaurHeist Rekt which is an 8.4% Double IPA.
Find out more about Neon Raptor http://www.neonraptorbrewingco.com/
Emmanuales – another
one man band from Sheffield described as a brewing, balding, worshipping modern
monk, who again, starting small in 2014 after converting his terraced house
cellar into a brewery, he moved onto bigger and better things quickly and now
brews alongside The Sheffield Brewing Company in Sheffields Industrial quarter,
operating out of an old Victorian polish factory. With a passion for craft beer and a devotion
to the Christian faith he is not looking to force religion down your
throat……..Only beer!! And with names like ‘Noah and the pale’, ‘Ale Mary’ and
my favourite ‘By the rivers of rhubarbabylon, you can see why this brewer has
spread his good brews up and down the country. Nick from Emmanuales will be at
Heist on the 29th July with his own brews as well as our collaboration
brew Passion of the Heist which will
be a passion fruit IPA. Find out more about Emmanuales http://emmanuales.co.uk/
All 3 of the above breweries distribute their own beers
manually, either by delivering them by hand or using a wholesale distribution
I would now like to draw your attention to Abbeydale Brewery
who are attending Heist for a Tap takeover, meet the brewer and whom we are
collaborating with on an experimental brew on 28th October.
Abbeydale brewery have been in existence since 1996, which
is longer than all 3 of the above put together. Operating out of Sheffields
Antiques quarter their brewery can produce over 200 Brewers Barrels at full
capacity which is 20x more than the aforementioned, which is approximately 800 of
your typical casks found in a pub, per week…….PER WEEK! Shit the bed……That's a
lot of urine……..and needless to say it is not a small team.
With a core range of 5 cask beers and 1 keg, Abbeydale also
release a special brew every single week (don't get the words special brew mixed
up with something you'd find someone on a street corner drinking) these
specials come in the form of collaborations and new experimental ideas which
could one day work their way into core.
As a traditional Brewer with their most common creation being Moonshine,
which is known by every man and their dog, Abbeydale are now dipping their malty
fingers into craft demonstrated by more kegging and canning and their recent
collaboration ‘4 degrees of separation’ with Magic Rock, Northern Monk and Siren,
who are all huge names amongst the craft scene and who can now all be found
taking over the shelves of our local shops and supermarkets.
Voted the best brewery in South Yorkshire this year
Abbeydale provide to over 400 different pubs and bars across the UK which is
astonishing and highlights their demand and growth within the UK alone and we
can only imagine what the future holds for them, but first we have the pleasure
of brewing with them on our collaboration beer which is undecided at this stage
but we can guarantee it will make you cream with excitement…..(may be a clue!)
Abbeydale is hard to come by on 1 single draft line in
Clowne, never mind 5 draft lines which will be available at our event, and to
bring the Brewer to the village that he/she has probably never heard of before
as well as bringing a collaboration beer brewed between this renowned brewery and
Clowne's very own Heist…….c’mon guys, round of applause!
Find out more about Abbeydale http://www.abbeydalebrewery.co.uk/
Durp! Durp! Durrrrrr! Brrrrrpp! Brp! Brp! Brrrrrrrp!
durrrrrrrrp!……..sorry that's just us blowing our own trumpet, and the good news
is this is still not the biggest thing we bring to you and to Clowne this year.
So, to carry on the trumpet blowing we give you Thornbridge
Anyone heard of this small brewery located in Bakewell in
the Peak District…..? No! Yeah I'm not surprised they've only got a 2.5 million
pound state of the art brewery producing award winning beers with over 350 different
awards to their name, with 100 of these alone being for a not very well known
beer called Jaipur. (We didn't promise no sarcasm)
Operating since 2005 out of a small unit on the grounds of
Thornbridge hall, they now have their own purpose built brewery, with only one
purpose, to brew great beers. With
hundreds of different beers to their name and 9 of their own pubs they have now
opened their first European pub in the Netherlands this year, which like Heist
will sell overpriced craft ales but the difference being they have the brand
behind them and we all know people love a good brand brainwashing……….oh
bollocks, sorry I'm not starting again, it's hard this you know.
Anyway Thornbridge now distribute globally to America, New
Zealand, Mexico, Japan, Australia and many European Countries to name just a few
and they also have their own beer festival each year.
Now go to these countries and ask each of them if they know
where the next place is, and of course they will know. How many of these places will know where
Clowne is located? (Add in your own sarcastic response here)
Thornbridge will be joining us with 5 lines, bringing a
Brewer along but unfortunately they are far too big to collaborate on a beer
with the likes of little old us, but it's fine Thornbridge, we didn't want to
do a collaboration with you anyway, it'd probably be shit and only win 3
awards…..in all seriousness we are unbelievably chuffed to have them joining us
on the 25th November and maybe we will be able to work with them in
Find out more about Thornbridge http://thornbridgebrewery.co.uk/index.php
At this point you'd think we'd peaked and we did to, but
then we approached Brewdog! For those of you that have been walking around with
your head up your own rectum (No reference to the local councillors in the
previous blog) Brewdog are now the biggest craft beer name in the UK and
probably the world (I say probably because there is no definite answer online
as to the biggest craft brewer in the world) but with a brewery in the UK and
in America, 47 bars in over 12 different countries and over 600 worldwide employees
with an estimated worth of over 1 Billion pound it's pretty much nailed on. Not bad considering Brewdog started with just
2 men and a dog 10 years ago……..if we can only say in 10 years that Heist is
worth a billion then leaving our corporate jobs will have been worth while,
just to piss off our old managers! Brewdog have a reputation for doing things
their own way and leading the way in innovation and marketing campaigns that
grab people's attention such as storming the London streets in a Brewdog tank
and brewing beer at the bottom of the ocean and these guys are a big
inspiration to not just us at Heist but a number of craft brewers now in the UK
for their fuck it attitude and do what you want that pleases you and makes you
I can't really big these up anymore but we are pleased to
announce that Brewdog will be joining us in Clowne on Sunday 27th
August for a bank holiday to remember with 5 Brewdog lines, including limited
edition beers, Brewdog punks on site to give lessons on beer and answer your
questions but again no collaboration, although we could just stick our own
label on one of their beers, who'd know……..we’re only joking by the way before
rumours start you vicious people.
Our first Brewdog event last night went down a treat mixing,
beer, education and pizza and the August bank holiday will be one for your
calendar, after all it's the biggest event to hit Clowne since the Salvation
Army marching band outside Wilko’s……..it'll be a struggle but we can guarantee
it will be better.
Find out more about Brewdog at https://www.brewdog.com/welcome
So there you have it, what we’re trying to say is we have a
few big names heading this way, as well as a most recent confirmation from
Northern Monk to attend our Christmas market on 2nd December for a
Tap takeover and meet the brewer which is just as big as our Thornbridge and
Abbeydale news as well as agreeing to collaborate on a beer which will be a xmas
special and again this is amazing news for us and for you and we’re
unbelievably excited to get going with all of these.
So why are we doing this?
For our own selfish gain? Yes
To grow our reputation and brand? A little
But more importantly when we proposed our idea to Obtain the
building we set out to make Clowne great again and bring people to the village
from the surrounding areas and give people from Clowne a reason to go out so is
also a selfless act for the people of Clowne and surrounding areas………..it's
fine you don't have to thank us but if you really want to we are are going to
be releasing the details of our crowdfunding for our microbrewery over the next
month which will help us bring even more business to Clowne and continue to
improve and build the reputation of this small village.
We are looking to fund a 5 BBL brewing plant,(based on the
above numbers we've just gone through is still only half the size of some
breweries), renovations to the brewing space, cellar space and onsite
accommodation to allow people to come and stay above the brewery to brew their
own. We will be looking at investments between £25 and £1000 with different
rewards for personal and business investments under each amount given of which full
details will all be outlined in our crowdfunding proposal, and a crowdfunding
total of between £30,000 to £40,000 and the response on our Facebook post when
putting the feelers out was incredible so a preemptive thank you is needed at
This is another massive move in such a short space of time
of operation but we will continue to go Balls Deep until we achieve everything
we have in mind, it's up to you if you want to help us achieve this.
Maybe one day when you tell people you’re from Clowne and
people will know where it based on Heist Craft Brewing, after all Magic Rock
put Huddersfield on the map.
The BarPosted by Adam Tue, May 16, 2017 19:39:17
Little villages and communities love their gossip, we know this because between us we have lived in a number of them around the UK, and Clowne is no different. Before we opened it was great to hear what people thought we were going to be, overhearing conversations in the street, passers by, in local shops and in Tesco…….all why we were portraying ourselves as workers and not owners. We were a real talking point! A brewery, a restaurant, an extension of the gym……..where do these rumours start?
Are they malicious?
Has someone taken it upon themselves to just decide what it's going to be?
Is it just small minded people not getting the full information before passing on as fact?
Chinese whispers got out of hand?
Whatever it may be, we have now realised we have somehow managed to start our own rumour which we find hilarious. 4 weeks ago when we opened we had a number of conversations with many different people who referred to us as ‘just what Clowne needs’ (see previous blog, it's a good read) and as part of these conversations we said that another thing that was needed in the area was a big restaurant to help bring people to the area, further to this we also mentioned we had a number of contacts in the food industry that we were trying to coax into buying the glass fronted building on the opposing corner (I think it used to be a car parts place?) to turn it into a restaurant.
4 weeks later and we are now being told that the glass fronted building on the corner ‘IS’ going to be a restaurant……..is it?
If it is then that is great news for us and the area and we have somehow managed to tempt our own fated rumour, but I can't help but think that this is all it is, a rumour!
I really hope it isn't just a rumour as the area is only getting better and something like this can really bring in further custom from the surrounding areas to benefit other businesses as seen by No4 Café and more modestly, Heist. Helping us to achieve our Donald Trump Esque campaign quote, in ‘making Clowne great again’.
One thing we need to try and change is people's mindset…..it was only this weekend we were asked, ‘Why Clowne?’ To which we replied ‘why not?’ To be greeted with the response, ‘because it's a shithole!’, this came from someone who was proudly stating that they come from this shithole. Why would you be proud of that fact? Why would you not want better for yourself and the area that you live in? This person then went on to moan about the prices and state they preferred the other drinking establishments, which is fine by us, each to their own but this opinion needs to change, not about us but about the area. You can't moan about the area, the shops, the pubs, the availability of local conveniences when you promote it in such a way. No wonder businesses don't want to come to the area if they think it's a shithole, have some pride in your heritage, your village and most notably, yourself!
Whatever the glass fronted building opposite is going to be please don't let it be another takeaway, for fuck sake, with several on the high street already and one on the way (fact by the way, not rumour) there surely can't be enough of a customer base in Clowne to keep them all afloat? How are these accepted businesses helping trade? Clowne may as well close its gates other than a road into Tesco and Aldi during the day as it's a ghost town.
With this in mind and recent local elections, should we not be asking the councillors what they intend on doing about vacant buildings and promoting business in the area instead of leaving it to the people of Clowne who do actually care, as from what I can tell, they are either not interested or don't care about the area, but more about their ego’s as not one has been in since opening to support us, and we have not had one person into our new business throughout the election, either because they don’t want to, or they don’t even know that we’re here. Either way that is not good news….. After all what are they actually planning? How many broken lights they can erect for Christmas? I'm not surprised if the people of Clowne think it's a shithole, if the people who are running it have their heads stuck up their own shithole. More business means better Christmas lights……think about it?
Anyway speaking of Christmas (Here's the plug) Heist are holding a Christmas Market in December, (Heist not the council) for the people of Clowne. 6 food stalls outside, including German Sausage, Old Smokey which is a 5 metre train that serves smoked meats, plus a toastie wagon, wood fired pizza and a chestnuts vendor. 10 Gift vendors inside to pick up those last minute gifts including craft beer merch stalls as well as alternative carol singers and a celebrity guest.
Clowne needs to change but this starts with us, the people of Clowne.
(No Trump link or affiliation before anymore rumours start)